Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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