is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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