so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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