just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
