I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
