I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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