I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
