there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
