I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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