i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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