Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
