i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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