Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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