1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
