I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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