She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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