woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
