i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
