Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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