I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
