So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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