My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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