closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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