guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Holy sore nipples Batman
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
