Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
