she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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