i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
