I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
