is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
