the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
