That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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