What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
