can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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