I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
