Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
