my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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