dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
