HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
