I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
