I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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