My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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