I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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