Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
