where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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