no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
