nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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