I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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