on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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