the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
