we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
