I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
