are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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