Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
