I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
