I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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