I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
