I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
